It was such a simple moment. Yet it wasn’t.
Yesterday, was Mother’s Day. And during church, we had a precious few minutes. Ones that would go unnoticed to most…. but for us……it was a profound gift. A sight to remember. A moment of reflection and awe. We looked over at Cannon during worship time…. to find him COMPLETELY attentive and singing ALL the words to one song…..the one below. You have no idea.
Church can be such a struggle with our Cannon. His stomach is hurting and his response is to wiggle constantly (on good days) or thrash about with many sound effects (on the tougher ones). All the while attempting to find comfort. The service and sanctuary can overstimulate him…..with all the sights, sounds, smells, and such. And his frequent response is to meltdown, flap his arms wildly, kick the seats, yell out, hit himself in the head, and on and on. He talks normally…..having little concept of his volume and the need to be quiet….despite the fact that he has been in church all his life. He can be combative or reactive when corrected. He begs incessantly for his drawing board and/or the iPad. And I do cave….but NEVER until the sermon. Many of these experiences may sound familiar to anyone who has ever taken a child to church. But I assure you that Autism amplifies these scenarios.
When we arrive at our usual spot in the balcony…..his pattern is to immediately grab the hymnal. He turns each individual page until he has turned them all. This seems to help him acclimate.
Getting him to focus on just one element of the service and participating in that part has been a goal of mine for some time. Just following along from start to finish during the scripture reading. Helping me fill in the blanks on my sermon outline. Or even to take the outstretched hand of fellow church members without being prompted by us and to return their greetings with a response as well as a glance into their eyes. His lack of visual attention hampers these efforts and most especially…..the singing of the words on the screen. But not for about 4 minutes yesterday. Hallelujah!
We were standing. The song had just begun. Cannon was next to Mark..and I was holding the hand of my love. Roxy was sleeping at our feet. Townsend….off having fun at Kid’s Church. Mark squeezed my hand and I looked at him and smiled. But he motioned with his head towards Cannon. I looked. It was so beautiful. In that moment, even the gray color of his skin seemed to be gone and he appeared to have a healthy glow. He was smiling slightly. Standing up straight…not hunched like he can…due to tummy pain. Not stomping on his own foot over and over like he can. He was following the words….meticulously. Singing each word audibly and proudly. Not softly or just mouthing them. Truly singing each and every precious word. I was awestruck. To say the least. But then….something else got my attention. The words he was singing. Oh, those perfect, perfect words. Have a look…….
Never Once
By: Matt Redman
Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Is Your power in us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
I was breathless. Tears rushed to and escaped from both of our eyes. There just aren’t enough ways to express the power of our sweet, war torn Cannon singing the words that are our heart’s exact feelings/experiences in regards to his developmental and medical journey. It was a heaven given Mother’s Day blessing!
The Timehop app does a great job of reminding me on a daily basis of the horrific first days after Cannon’s Autism diagnosis. The battle with the insurance company and the intense struggle to build a team of people and therapists around him. To guide and to teach him, thereafter. Of the years we could not figure out what was wrong with him medically. And those where we were CONSTANTLY in and out of the hospital. The days after his Chait Button surgery that were filled with anger, sadness, and the unknown. The new diagnoses that seem to slap us in the face on a fairly regular basis. It’s been a rock laden road. BUT…..those hard times help one to appreciate these types of moments where a small victory is really a HUGE victory!
I pray that right now….you will listen to this song….watch this video….and find something. Something that your heart might be searching for today. If you do not know the Lord, I pray that it will convince you once and for all to abandon all and follow Him. THE ONE who can provide you with all you need….no matter what. Your Savior. If you are struggling yourself, I pray that the words will convince you to send your burdens heavenward. He IS there…..ALWAYS. If you are a Believer….I pray it is a few joyous moments. Relishing the fact that you are never alone. Wherever you are in life….I pray it blesses your heart and strengthens your spirit. With all my heart….this is my prayer.
God bless you guys! And Happy Belated Mother’s Day to all the mammas!