I love being a mom more than I could possibly put into words. It is all I ever wanted in life and it is all I ever want to do. My two little boys are the greatest gifts God could have ever chosen to bless me with. My love for each of them is unconditional and is given with all my heart. I feel no different nor do I resent my job just because Cannon is a different kind of child. I actually know that his challenges make me a better person. One with far more empathy, patience, strength, courage, endurance, and love than before. I didn’t choose this road. God chose it for me. But if it had to happen, I am thankful for the refinement that comes alongside.
Don’t get me wrong. There are days…….Days when I can’t see straight from exhaustion, frustration, and misery….. and I don’t know how I will make it the next 10 minutes…..much less until tomorrow. One day last week was particularly tough. Cannon was angry for no apparent reason. Really angry. At one point, I had to hold him to keep him from hurting himself. It was bad. Really bad. I found myself begging, no pleading, with him to look in Mommy’s eyes. I thought that if I could get him to, even just for a second, he would see the love in them and feel safe. And stop fighting. That didn’t happen. But I won’t stop trying. EVER. I will always believe that my love has the potential to help him to make great strides with his battle with Autism.
This next pic has some validity to it. I believe in the one and only God…..therefore I believe with all my heart that everyone has a God shaped hole in their heart that only HE can fill. And that is the only way to true happiness and fullfillment. But I also think that you have to do what this pic says and accept your life for what it is. I would never have chosen to have a child with Autism or one with seizures….but I get no where if I don’t accept it. And life with Cannon will never be perfect…..but it can still be good. And we can still enjoy life and make the most out of it. Celebrating even the smallest of victories and accomplishments.
Moving on……My Mother’s Day this year was simple but precious and fun at the same time. It included church, sushi and key lime pie for lunch (yum!), nap/cuddle time, sweet gifts, a photo session for the boys with a dear friend and photog, and ended with us all having dinner at a fave restaurant.
I received several cute and meaningful gifts on Mother’s Day. This mostly not accurate but funny item from our sweet 4 year old Townsend………
And I considered this my gift from Cannon. What you are seeing here is what we call the “bean bin.” A large plastic bin filled with about 60 pounds of beans and various plastic letters, animals, and other treasures. Sitting in this and sifting through the beans to find the treasures has an amazing and calming effect on him. Back when things were so bad with his belly……this was the only thing that had a chance at calming him down. It is magic! Anyhow, on Mother’s Day, Cannon was playing in the bean bin and spontaneously began singing his first made up song!!!!! It may not sound like much but when you think about how he lost all his speech just a couple years ago…..it’s fantastic! Did my heart so so good on a day that was supposed to celebrate me!
I always strive to get a pic with my little men before we leave for church. And this particular pic is so typical. If they will stay in the frame (which is a big “if”), Townsend gives you the goofy grin and Cannon will not smile. Oh well! It’s documentation nonetheless! 🙂
Lastly, I want to send you off with a look at this video. A tribute to all the mommas out there walking the special needs road. One we didn’t choose. But one we do choose to step up, accept, and do our very best to give our kids the very best life. God bless ALL the mommas out there!